The art of doing and being enough
How to find inner peace when you feel like you’re never getting enough done Mums (and Dads),...Read More
One of the life-changing moments for a woman is giving birth, not only does it take a toll on her body but even her social life. While a new mother is busy searching the internet looking for baby advice her friends may be out at the clubs, who can she then relate to? Who can she turn to for advice? This is why we all need mum friends and this is where Peanut should come into your life. The app designed to save all mothers from the nightmare of being lonely.
We’re all winging it most of the time, terrified of what damage we might be causing to our little ones (or at least giving them plenty to discuss with their therapist in years to come). Sometimes you need someone else, who has been there, done that, telling you you’re doing everything right, and if you’re not, you’re doing the best you can.
Some unspeakable things happen to your body during childbirth. Sometimes, you really need to have that chat about whether you will ever be the same again, and why no one ever spoke about vaginal tears. Yes ladies, it’s a thing.
Conference calls when you’re trying to be ‘mom’ are so tough (as you pretend desperately that you’re fully engaged in the call and watch with horror as your little one smears lipstick on your walls). Only another mama will be confident enough to pick them up, distract them with cookies or at least make crazy faces to stop them from crying so you can be ‘work you’.
I am the most squeamish person. All of a sudden, my tolerance for poop, bogies and sick have increased tenfold. Nothing screams tolerance like being able to deal with scrapping an unidentified ‘blob’ off your Celine trousers like Motherhood. Another mama will never flinch as they wipe your child’s vomit from their shoe.
Fin looks at the world with the most incredible innocence. His questions are grounding and enlightening. He doesn’t understand inequality, and yet his own sense of what is unfair or wrong is so strong, it reminds me everyday how impactful we are, and society is, on children’s view of the world. Sometimes, you need someone who will equally marvel at their innocence and want to strive to protect it too.
There was so much narrative surrounding ‘balance’ when I was pregnant. I genuinely believed it was possible to be the perfect mother, employee, wife, daughter, friend, and still have ‘time for me’. No surprise then, it’s not. When I wasn’t achieving the mystical balance, I felt like I was failing. As soon as I started to understand that life is about juggling, everything changed. I became much kinder to myself, and realistic about what I could do. Sometimes i’m an amazing mummy, sometimes I am killing it at work, it rarely happens all at once, and that, is ok. This is something you never need to explain or apologise to your mama friends for. They’re already living it.
I remember I used to have wild ideas about motherhood. I wouldn’t only have organic toys, I would always wear heels, I would NEVER let my child eat junk food. I don’t know where these ideas came from, and I have let them go. You have to. Having a support network of other like minded women is going to support you in your chosen mothering path, whatever that is.
I am more empathetic. I want to understand people’s frustrations, I want to listen more. Motherhood creates a patience in you that is invaluable. There is something calming about another woman who has also experienced this shift in mindset.
I never appreciated how hard it must have been for my own mum when I told her about another child being cruel to me, or hurting me. I appreciate that more and more. Sometimes the only person who will be as wounded as you are that someone has upset your little one, is another mother.
There is nothing like a little person to tell you exactly how it is. Still, nothing prepares you for the “mama, do you have a moustache”. Loudly. In a public place. A mama friend in the same position is going to see your toddler insult, and raise it, tenfold.
Michelle Kennedy is the CEO and Founder of Peanut. After finding herself trawling blogs for baby advice at 2AM while her friends were out in clubs, she decided to create a product to make motherhood a little less lonely. Michelle started her career as a lawyer at leading international law firm Mishcon de Reya. She later joined dating app, Badoo, where she rose to Deputy CEO. During her tenure at Badoo, Michelle was integral to the launch of Bumble. She is also mama to her 4 year old son, Finlay.